I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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