She tied me up with her honor cords...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
