I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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