Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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