I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
