I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
