I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
