Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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