i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sobbing to NWA
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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