You can't special order awesome
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm both gender and math confused
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize