Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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