Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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