Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
