Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
