I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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