Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize