Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
