I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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