Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
