I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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