good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
