Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
