I haven't been this sober since birth.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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