I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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