Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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