Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
