come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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