Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
