I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
