pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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