The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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