Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
