she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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