Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
