Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
