The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
