okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
