I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
