We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
