You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My dick has a subreddit
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
