I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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