I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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