Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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