We won't sleep together?
I could make wine with my vomit
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
