I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
