Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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