I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it hurts more in the daytime
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize