my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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