I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
