he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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