I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
