Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
