yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
