ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
