My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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