I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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