I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize