possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
