I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
