Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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