Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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