As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
