I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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