I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
