$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
