idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
