Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
