I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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